An honest choice

I can still be amazed by how, as a Mormon, I keep discovering things that make me think 'wow, this makes sense'.

For example, I've often pondered whether a true believer can have doubts or not. Because believe me (sic), I have doubts from time to time. It's simply in my nature to doubt everything and everyone. Doubt is sometimes called the mother of science, I thought.

But as a believer, you sometimes feel that doubt doesn't belong. In Mormon culture too, you hear little about it. On the contrary. Testimonies invariably speak of 'I know', but how strong is such an 'I know'?

Because if you know something for sure, is it still faith? In the Scriptures themselves, we read that faith is hoping for something one cannot see. Or in other words, faith only exists if you cannot ascertain it with certainty.

I have often wondered if this was a circular argument. Faith critics will certainly answer yes to that question, but I wasn't so sure.

And now I have found an answer for myself. As a Mormon, we learn from revelations that Heavenly Father has a law He never breaks, namely respecting our absolute freedom of choice. That is an essential part of the Plan of Salvation.

Well then, there must be doubt. God can in no way give tangible proof of His existence without there being a possible and necessary counter-argument. No matter without anti-matter. No advantage without disadvantage.

Because if that doubt is not possible, there is no freedom of choice and therefore no faith.

Suppose I let you choose between two gifts, but I tell you that the red package contains more value. You can still choose 'freely', but how free is that choice really? By my statement, I have influenced your choice; I have taken away a part of your moral freedom.

And that is what God cannot, may not, and will not do. Total freedom of choice is nowhere as important as in faith.

For only then will our choice reflect what we truly want. Do we want to believe in Heavenly Father and the Plan of Salvation? Or do we rather want to believe that we cannot believe in it? If all arguments pro and contra are perfectly balanced, then faith is the ultimate pure moral choice that reflects our true nature.

If God were to tip the balance in a certain direction, there would be no pure faith, no pure choice anymore. And for Mormons who want to consider it: wasn't that precisely Lucifer's plan to ensure that people had no other choice than to all return to exaltation. Sounds tempting, but then we would all be prisoners.

In short, it is part of the grand plan that we must make the choice to believe based on what we want. Once that choice is made, we will be able to open the lock to see and feel those things that will confirm our choice. We must make that choice again every day. Faith is a choice and it is simultaneously a gift, because if we choose it, we receive spiritual confirmation of our faith. But never with foolproof guarantees, because our choice for God must be our own choice. So there is always room for doubt.And within the Mormon church, there is room for those who sincerely doubt and ask questions; after all, wasn't the church founded by a young man who asked a sincere question about what he should now believe?

And so the circle is complete and I have now found a bit more peace again and can embrace my doubts as part of my faith and my freedom of choice.