Rain man, don't leave me alone now

Yesterday the film played Rain man on TV. I wanted to turn it off, but Isabel still wanted to watch. Against my better judgment, I kept watching, even though I knew that movie is hard for me. I certainly haven't seen this movie in more than ten years, simply because I didn't want to see it. Every person with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) is different. My son Laurens is certainly not a spitting image of Raymond (brilliantly portrayed by Dustin Hoffman), but there are still many similarities. So it is extremely confronting to watch the movie.

Especially the last scenes open the floodgates of tears in me and choke my throat and mouth. When Charlie builds a bond with his brother, you see that he finds it difficult to process what the connection means. Does his brother also feel something for him? Vague signs say yes, but it remains a guess. And then the big question: what is the best place for Raymond? In an institute with specialists adapted to his needs without love or in a place with loved ones who are unable to adapt their lives 24 hours a day? So painfulrecognizable…

And yes, the spring in me broke. Crying my eyes out and simply unable to get another word out. All I wanted was to go to bed. It's a stressful period for a moment. My family currently has three sick members, and the usual cleaning and family helpers have their own problems, so they can't come. My businesses need extra attention because the economy is sluggish. Also, as a bishop, quite a lot lands on my plate, and I am the type of person who likes to get everything in order at once because otherwise, others will have to wait again.

In short, last night in bed, I couldn't immediately find a prayer. Until suddenly I used these words to ask Heavenly Father for help:

Don't leave me alone now
Desperate and lost
Tear down those walls around me
Help me to come to You like this

Don't leave me alone now
Take my hand and show me
The path that leads to You alone
Help me to come to You like this

I know: Johan Verminnen is not our standard supplier for hymns, but they were the perfect words to cry out to Heavenly Father for a moment. I didn't want Him to take away problems, but just to seek comfort and strength from Him for a moment. And that worked with those words, even though they don't come from Scriptures or hymns.