No walls but resonance: an eternal family

For many people, the concept of an 'eternal family' is one of the most attractive and comforting doctrines of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The idea that the love we build here on earth does not end at the grave, but forms a foundation for eternity, gives color and meaning to our daily existence. It changes the way we look at our partners, children, and parents. Yet this topic also raises complex questions. What happens if not everyone follows the same path?Are families truly torn apart in heaven?

The criticism of the 'sad heaven'

It is important to acknowledge that there are critical voices. Critics of faith, including people like John Dehlin, often sharply question the logic behind this doctrine. Their arguments are often based on a very strict, almost mathematical interpretation of ecclesiastical texts. They paint a picture of heaven that they call 'Sad Heaven'.

In this scenario, heaven is presented as a place of bitter separation. If a family consists of five people and only three reach the highest degree of glory, the reasoning goes, then the other two are physically banished to a lower place. This would mean that the 'worthy' family members must eternally watch their loved ones reside elsewhere. According to critics, the promise of an eternal family is therefore not a source of joy, but an instrument of fear and emotional control. It would be an impossible standardto create where every family member must be perfect to preserve unity.

A fluid vision of heaven

While this criticism is understandable from a black-and-white perspective, it overlooks the deeper, more nuanced theology embraced by many believers and thinkers. Perhaps we should not view the ‘three degrees of glory’ as three physically separate worlds or planets with walls between them.

A much more hopeful and probably more accurate view is that heaven is one great reality in which different ‘degrees’ of light and glory coexist.. Think of the world we live in now: we all share the same Earth, but our inner worlds are vastly different. One lives in a state of deep spiritual connection and joy, while the other lives in a dark room of cynicism or loneliness. They breathe the same air, but their experience of reality is completely different.

The same sociality: the strength of our bonds

A crucial scripture verse in this debate is Doctrine and Covenants 130:2, which states: ‘And the same relationships that exist among us here will also exist among us there, but they will then be accompanied by eternal glory, a glory that we do not now enjoy.’. This suggests that our social interactions, our friendships, and our family ties do not fundamentally change in their essence. The love we feel for each other will not suddenly be erased there by a bureaucratic decision of a heavenly judge.

If we assume that God is a loving Father, it is difficult to imagine that He would actively build walls to keep people who love each other physically separated.. The division that the scriptures speak of is probably much more subtle and profound than a simple geographical boundary.

Spiritual estrangement: the real barrier

Here we come to the core point: the nature of separation in the afterlife is probably not physical, but spiritual.. Perhaps we should think of the concept of "degrees of glory" not as different floors in a building, but as different levels of spiritual resonance.

Imagine two people sitting in the same room. One person has a deep passion for classical music and can be moved for hours by the complexity of a symphony. The other person has no ear for music at all and only experiences it as noise. Although they are physically next to each other, there is an enormous ‘spiritual distance’ between them. They cannot fully share each other's experience, not because someone forbids them, but because their inner capacity to experience that specific beauty differs.

In eternity, this principle will likely be central. Someone who has dedicated their life to following Christ, to repentance, and to developing divine qualities, has built up a ‘spiritual capacity’ that enables them to endure and enjoy the full presence of God.Someone who consciously did not choose that might experience that same presence not as delightful, but as painful or overwhelming.

The ‘distance’ between family members is therefore not a wall erected by God, but a barrier of the heart. It is a difference in character, in desire, and in the extent to which one is willing to receive light.The pain and loneliness associated with turning away from Christ stem from that inner distance. You can be physically close to someone, but feel miles away because you no longer share each other's deepest values and joys.

A loving Father and the desire for unity

It is my firm conviction that a loving Heavenly Father does everything possible to keep that spiritual distance as small as possible. He is not a God of exclusion, but of radical inclusion. His entire work and glory are aimed at ‘bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man’.

Christ did not die for a select group of ‘perfect’ people; He died for everyone.His atonement is the bridge that spans the chasm of our shortcomings.The promise that whoever remains faithful will share in the full joy of an eternal family is an absolute certainty. Although we do not yet fully understand the logistics of how this will work exactly, we know that God is just and merciful.. He will not withhold any blessing from those who sincerely try to walk in His light.

The choice for connection

Ultimately, the degree of glory we inherit is not a judgment, but a choice. I believe it will be an exception for someone to consciously choose to definitively sever ties with their family and their Creator. Most people long for love and connection. The grace of Christ offers us room to grow, even beyond this life, until we can achieve that unity.

The idea that we will have ‘broken families’ in heaven does not fit with the promises of the gospel. If God promises that all tears will be wiped away, then this also means that the pain of separation will be healed. Whether this happens through the growth of those we love, or through a divine way of connection that our human understanding currently transcends, we can trust in it.

An anchor of hope

The doctrine of eternal families is not a cold calculation of who is ‘in’ and who is not. It is a vision of infinite hope. It invites us to invest in our relationships here and now, knowing that nothing we build with love will be lost.

We don't have to be afraid of a physical separation by a harsh God. We only need to pay attention to the spiritual estrangement within ourselves. By growing closer to Christ, we automatically grow closer to each other. And in that movement towards the light, we find the guarantee that our families can indeed be together forever — not because we are perfect, but because His love and His power to save are perfect..

The promise is firm: whoever trusts in Christ will receive all the joy and all the blessings that belong to an eternal family. That is the core of our faith, and it is the most beautiful promise we have ever received.