Do I sometimes doubt my faith?

Disclaimer: I asked people to ask me questions about my faith. So this is my answer. Not the truth, just the way I experience things.

Do I sometimes doubt? Of course, is my answer. Moreover, my faith cannot exist without doubts. But I understand that this is not the case for everyone. I already wrote about that earlier once.

Actually, this is a topic about which I have already given talks in church. I invariably receive mixed reactions to it. Brothers or sisters who somewhat admonishingly say 'Well, I never doubt'. Great, I think then. I am happy for you. Others sometimes cautiously thank me, often because they no longer feel alone when they also doubt.

Science or faith

Many of our leaders talk about doubts in a rather negative sense. To be avoided, it makes your faith waver, 'Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith', ... Sorry, I don't agree with that. Perhaps because I am also too scientifically educated. Science can only exist through doubt. The scientific method consists of asking questions and searching further. That's why sometimes as a believer I am jealous of science.

I find it, by the way, particularly amusing when someone tells me: 'I don't need faith, I have science'. Sometimes people literally say 'I Faith in science'. For me, there is certainly no contradiction between faith and science. I wonder if there is much difference in the kind of faith when you speak of a belief in God on the one hand and a belief in science on the other. In my opinion, faith in both cases is the hope of finding answers. In the Book of Mormon, you can find a good statement about this (Alma 32:31): 'Faith is not having a perfect knowledge of things; if you therefore have faith, you hope for things which are not seen, but which are true.‘ Not having a perfect knowledge, but hoping for things that are true. Am I talking about faith or science, huh? Seems applicable to both.

Long live doubt

That's why doubt is actually normal for me in my faith. It makes me ask questions, it drives my search. Searching for more truth, for more answers (yes, yes, I'm still talking about faith). Whereby I subtly show once again how wonderful it is to study the Book of Mormon alongside the Bible, where we find (2 Nephi 28:30): ‘For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little.‘ Voilà, it's in the Scriptures: we must keep searching because God will not reveal everything at once.

Doubt also makes my faith stronger. Sometimes it is a trial because my doubts make me think and subsequently make a choice. I often notice afterwards that I am then more certain of my position. After all, I have thought about it. Now that I am throwing around scripture anyway, I will take a piece from the Bible to prevent being accused of only quoting the Book of Mormon. The Epistle of James (James 1:2-3): ‘Count it all joy, my brethren, when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.‘ Or as I often quote: faith is stronger when it has been tried. OK, there are of course more trials than just doubts. But they are part of it.

Of course, there are also variations in my doubts. In the months after my brain hemorrhage and brain surgery, I was half paralyzed and underwent heavy rehabilitation. Yes, then I also found myself in deep pits and shouted upwards ‘Is this really necessary?‘. Or to put it with a classic: when a child dies, I sometimes sigh and realize that I don't always understand Him. But that is by definition impossible for faith. If you believe in a higher being, you must also accept that you are on a lower level yourself. Student and master, something like that.

The great plan of salvation of Heavenly Father

What helps is that since I got to know The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I learned about the Plan of SalvationThe great plan of why we are here. That is a whole book in itself, but let me summarize it very briefly: we are here to learn. Yes, to seek, line upon line etc... Also to be tested. Whereby I then once again quote a non-Biblical saying: 'There is no growth in your comfort zone and there is no comfort in your growth zone.' I may not understand every setback in itself, but I do understand the bigger picture.

That helps to give doubts a place instead of suppressing them. That certainly also helps to continue when doubts temporarily take over.

And finally, I am sober enough that it comes down to a free choice, perhaps one of the freest choices we have: what do I (not) believe? Everything I say above can simply be swept off the table by saying 'I don't believe it because you start from your faith'. Correct, free choice (something else very crucial that you learn in our church). So yes, 'I doubt because I believe' is my definitive answer to the question.