How do you deal with Mormon missionaries?

I read a blog from Mette Ivie Harrison, in which she beautifully described how people react to missionaries of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. With her permission, I base myself on her blog to give a slightly adapted – to our regions – version of it.

Mormon missionaries are now so well-known that they already have the honor of having a musical made about them. The Book of Mormon is not so well-known here, but it is one of the most successful musicals ever on Broadway. Anyway, Mormon missionaries are also becoming known in our streetscape: classic suits, white shirt with tie, and that well-known black badge with Elder xxx or Sister yyy together with the full name of our church: “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.”

They might not be as well-known as the Jehovah's Witnesses who knock on doors much more often here, but if you encounter Mormon missionaries, they always try to peddle a copy of The Book of Mormon to you and talk about their strange cult, don't they? They just want to baptize you so that their scoreboard in heaven goes up with the value of your soul. So the only thing you can do is slam the door, walk away, and hide. Because if you don't, they will bore you for the next three hours with endless talk about JosephSmith, their special bible and how you should marry according to their secret temple ceremonies.

Some facts about Mormon missionaries

Enough about the clichés. Perhaps it helps to share some facts about our missionaries, who they are and why they do what they do.

1. The 'Elders' are male missionaries who are usually between 18 and 20 years old. Sister missionaries are usually between the ages of 19 and 21. That's young, very young. We can barely consider them adults. Fresh out of high school and still green behind the ears.

2. Most Mormon missionaries pay for their mission themselves, sometimes with some help from their parents or contributions from their church community. The cost of a mission quickly amounts to €10,000. Many young people save their entire young lives to be able to go on a mission. Where other teenagers save money to buy clothes, or a moped or perhaps to go study, many Mormon teenagers save and work to finance their mission.

3. Missionaries must live on a very strict budget during their mission. With this money, they must buy their clothes and food. They receive a limited budget for travel. Only a few have access to a car; most use public transport or a bicycle. It often happens that they are really tight on money at the end of the month.

4. Mormon missionaries are expected to be engaged only in their missionary work, almost seven days a week. Only one day - P-day or preparation day - are they allowed to spend time cleaning their apartment, grocery shopping, going to the hairdresser, and wearing something other than a suit. But even on P-day, they still have to follow a lot of rules. Just lounging around for a few hours or having lunch is not allowed. Going to the cinema or other entertainment is not allowed. No TV in their apartment.

5. Mormon missionaries are expected not to talk to family or friends during their entire mission. For Elders, that's two years; for Sisters, it's eighteen months. That's a long time for children to get through without contact with their family. They can only email home once a week. And on Christmas and Mother's Day, they are allowed to Skype with their family for an hour. That's all. It's no wonder some of them yearn for some form of positive human contact.

6. Mormon missionaries have received very little training in theology or religion. You must not forget that they are fresh out of high school. Yes, some of them have been to Sunday school every Sunday their entire lives and have received an hour of "seminary" every day for four of their teenage years. They have also spent three weeks (six if they had to learn another language) in the MTC (Missionary Training Center) where they received some basic lessons on teaching investigators. But they areneither trained nor interested in arguing about religious history or doctrine.

7. A mission president and his wife watch over hundreds of missionaries at once. They are somewhat their mission father and mother who guide them, talk to them about problems, and impose strict rules on them in the hope of avoiding the worst problems. For example, dating is a big no-go zone.

8. No one physically forces them to go on a mission, but there is enormous cultural pressure to go, especially for boys. It is a duty within the priesthood to go on a mission. For girls, it is more optional. Some Mormon missionaries have mental problems, whether or not already diagnosed. Young men who do not go or return home early receive or give themselves a stigma, sometimes for the rest of their lives. No one does it consciously, but it happens. Not one of the things we as a Mormon communitycan be proud of.

9. Mormon missionaries are never allowed to be alone. Their companion must always be nearby. ALWAYS. Every day, every hour. The toilet is just about the only place where they can be alone for a moment. And when I say “a moment”, I mean a moment, because if it takes too long, the other missionary will knock on the door.

10. Mormon missionaries often only eat their warm meals thanks to and with local members who invite them. Every parent of a missionary hopes that enough brothers and sisters will mercifully invite their sons or daughters so that they receive at least one decent meal a day. But that means Mormon missionaries are at the mercy of the tastes of another culture and other people. A difficult task for picky eaters.

The best two years

If you read all this, you might think “what a miserable situation to experience”. However, compare it to someone who has been in the army. The first training weeks are truly a boot camp. Mormon missionaries do something very difficult for a long period of two years. They give up a lot of free choice because they believe that through this they will be blessed by God.

Many missionaries, however, will later call their mission their “best two years ever”. For many, that is true. Many leave as boys and return as men. Through a strict daily schedule, they have learned discipline. Learning a new language in a few weeks provides a lot of insight into how one can study. If you can “sell” religion to others, you can handle a lot. Successful missions often lead to successful studies and a successful life later.

But there are also others. There are also those who call their mission a failure, have experienced too much, and therefore even leave the church. Missionaries are not all the same, even if they all look the same.

Some tips if you are not interested

If you really have no interest in listening to them when they are at your door, here are some tips:

1. Don't say you don't have time now, but that you'd like to listen to their story later. This happens to all Mormon missionaries, and although you are actually trying to be polite, the effect is that you only create absurd hope for them, and they will stubbornly persist and and often come back to your door.

2. On the other hand, just say you are not interested if that is the case. Say it kindly and politely, but be honest. If you are already a member of another church and you are happy there, just say so. Mormon missionaries are happy to hear that someone still has faith. Or not. Dare to say that you are an atheist or simply that you don't like organized religions. A no-no is saying that you know Mormons have many wives or that you don't want to end up in a cult. Both are not true and the missionaries will then feelobliged to explain this tooth and nail.

3. Please do not make an appointment with missionaries at a time when you know you will not be home. This might seem like a convenient escape clause instead of saying you are not interested, but it is impolite. Mormon missionaries are taught to diligently follow up on their appointments, so they will then cycle, walk, or whatever to your house in vain. They will then try to call you and will often return hoping to find you home this time. It is for everyonebetter if you just honestly say no from the start.

4. However, if you are curious and just want to know more about Mormons, but have no interest in becoming a member or being baptized, say so honestly. Mormon missionaries are rejected so often that they are happy to tell you more about us, without the false expectation of converting you along the way.

5. Door-to-door knocking is not effective, and Mormon missionaries are therefore taught to get appointments in other ways. "Every member a missionary" is a common saying among Mormons, so if you have Mormon friends, chances are they will invite you over one day and you will also find missionaries at their home eagerly waiting to teach you. If you're not into that, do yourself, your friends, and the missionaries a favor: just say so honestly.

6. If you have already had one or more conversations or received lessons from the missionaries, but you decide it's not for you, again, just say so. The missionaries will be saddened, will try to change your mind, but if it's in vain, it's better not to waste their time and let them harbor false hope.

7. Some people think it's their duty to confront those young Mormon missionaries with the 'truth' about Mormons and tell them about Joseph Smith's many wives or other horror stories you've heard about the church. You might think you're 'helping' them by 'saving them from a cult' they're involved in. Don't do it. Most Mormons have heard those stories many times and have grown a thick skin against them. Which doesn't mean it's not painful because they only have good intentions. That doesn't take awaythat there are things in our church history that are less straightforward. If you still want to talk about it, find some local members who know more about it.

How can you help?

Of course, no one is obliged to lend a helping hand to Mormon missionaries you encounter. But if you have a good heart, there are a number of things you can do to support them, even without wanting spiritual lessons:

1. Offer them something to drink, especially in the summer. However, coffee, tea, or iced tea will be politely refused. Some will also refuse cola, but other soft drinks are certainly not a problem.

2. Smile at them; even if you honestly say you're not interested, you can still kindly say you admire what they do.

3. If you see them somewhere in a neighborhood where you'd rather not walk yourself, give them a warning. They often come from another country and don't know the area, so they don't know what situation they're walking into.

4. If you are interested in genealogy, talk to them about it. Mormons are intensively involved in genealogy, and Mormon missionaries can tell you a lot about it, for example, how you can use the church's resources as a non-member to compile your family tree. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has the largest collection of genealogical data in the world.

5. Mormon missionaries are allowed to accept a ride if offered. If you see them trudging along the road looking unwell, offering a lift might be a small effort. Especially at the end of the month, as their travel budget is likely to be depleted then.

Respect for missionaries

In the four years I've been a Mormon, I've worked intensively with the missionaries. It's a difficult task. It is often said that you have to talk to 1000 people to find one interested person. These are not very encouraging figures. Kindness and politeness can make up for many disappointments.

I know many returned missionaries who look back proudly on their mission. Even if they only managed to bring a few people into contact with the church in those two years, it is still a great joy for them and for all members. Most missionaries return from their missions more mature, with more charity for their fellow human beings than when they, as selfish teenagers, closed the door of their parental home behind them for 'their best two years'.

Maybe you don't care about their message and even find what they do annoying, but a polite refusal is still much more pleasant than a door slammed in their face.