Focus on the good

EThere are those things that sneak through your life, things that you worry about and that resurface again and again.

With Laurens I often have the frustration “come on guy, I know you can behave better”, as if I forget that he has autism or, in other words, as if I want to push that autism away into a corner where I don't have to worry about it.

A moment when this often bothers me is on Sunday morning in church, when Laurens is asked to pass the sacrament. It is often with sighs that he starts it. Then he stands there, his shirt half out of his pants. When he presents the bread or water to the president, you see Laurens staring into space, as if he is not interested.

That often annoys me. The Lord's Supper is so important to us that we treat it with great reverence at that moment. Then I often think “oh, look at my son standing there, that's not how it should be”.

I was just beginning to think that today when the Holy Spirit whispered something very clearly to me: “Be proud, your son is standing there doing his best at a sacred task.” I felt ashamed primarily because Heavenly Father knew what I was going to think and clearly put me in my place. But at the same time very grateful. Because if that is the way Heavenly Father looks at Laurens, with a sense of pride and therefore gratitude, then what am I worried about?

In that one moment I felt that with Laurens I should concentrate much less on what is not going so well, but that my focus should be on what is going well. It doesn't have to be perfect. Heavenly Father does not expect that from us at all and certainly not from Laurens. He knows his limitation and accepts it with perfect love. Then I must be able to do that as his father.

It's a lesson I can apply to many things. I am a perfectionist and can be quite demanding on those around me. I have to let go of that and give my attention to what is going well. There is so much going well around me that I have to learn to be grateful for it.

There are many Sundays in church when you don't learn anything, but every now and then there is a special one that touches you by something and teaches you a lot in a flash. At such good moments I want to focus on Sunday. Thank you Heavenly Father for giving me such a wise lesson today.